oh no, I'm not done yet... / by vanessa

Tis the season for lists (Christmas, New Year's Resolutions, Yoga-Teacher-Ticks-that-Bug, etc.) and I don't want to disappoint so here's my contribution. Since Christmas has passed and New Years isn't here yet, I'll spare you the first two and share with you my teacher list. Before we get started let me acknowledge that I've done all of these before, many times, and may even do them again. I'm also completely aware that I'm inviting a big heaping can of karma whoop ass by posting this. You know what, Karma?! BRING IT. (Dear Karma God, I'm soooo kidding. You know how I like to joke! No harm done! No need to show me how 'what comes around goes around'... cool?) So, without further ado...

Yoga Teachers, I Don't Like It When You...
1. Proclaim "one more breath" and then count three more. It breaks the trust. If you can't count, don't tell us how many more breaths to begin w/.
2. Use repetitive or meaningless fillers. "Mmmhmm" and "that's great!" when you're not even looking at the class feels empty.
3. Take out your control issues on students. People taking your class don't need you to "fix" them.
4. Demonstrate advanced postures that you're not even teaching and preface it with "I don't want to make this about me" because of course that's exactly what you're doing. Yes, you've been practicing since Gandhi was in diapers and you're beautiful to watch. But, if I wanted to be taken out of my practice to watch you perform, I'd have bought your video. And kept it.

Can you tell I'm feeling a little grouchy? I think it's best I go to my room and think about what I'm grateful for. I'll get that list to you later.