Wow, I'm Really Hungry / by vanessa

Today is Day 6? - oh that's right -- yes, Day SIX  of the Master Cleanse.  I forget.  My thoughts... they... are... like... feathers... 

Yesterday, in Venice, I actually sat outside of a pizza place and just inhaled the scent of cheese.  I was hoping to get full from it.  Cleansing makes you crazy.  Today Dre texted me a picture of the hot dog and fries her boyfriend was eating.  I stared at it for a good five or so minutes before I looked away.   I pictured the taste of the curly fries, their salty unctuous goodness like a whisper on my lips.  (I nearly killed Y when I came home later to find said fries barely eaten in the trash.  Doesn't he know that there are underprivileged cleansers EVERYWHERE who would kill for his discarded scraps?  Not *this* cleanser - 'cause that would be gross - but others.) 

I've ran a marathon.  I've done 80 days of yoga straight.  80 days.  Hell, I've even done *this* lemonade thing multiple times!  Clearly I'm not afraid of a challenge.  So why is it so hard now?  In cleansing theory, my unyielding desire for food (and especially "junk" food) after six days implies that I must've been really unhealthy before.  I can hear The Secret Cleansing Council conferring now:  
"Didn't she used to be a yoga teacher?"  
"She really let herself go..."
"If she really took this seriously, she'd be doing the Salt Flush."

And to that I say, I wish I didn't hear voices in my head.  I also say, I can't believe I'm sticking with it.  No, really, I'm SHOCKED.  (And slightly proud.)  I've been trying to explain to people who ask why I would do this - why I would torture myself, really.  My answer is the same:  because you end up feeling really, really good and I want to break the attraction I've had to junk food lately.   And that's true -- I'm no stranger to fasts, to cleanses, to eating healthy.  In the past when I've done these, by no later than Day 5, I've felt great!  My thoughts have been clearer, I've had boundless energy, my skin looks better, my eyes get whiter, and my tongue gets pinker.  When I"ve finished I've managed a healthier diet for months afterwards.  It was all worth it.  But yesterday was that magic hump day and I felt no closer to salvation than I did at the beginning.   So now I'm a little discouraged.

I'm tempted to swear off eating poorly EVER AGAIN.  NO, THIS TIME I MEAN IT.  But since my friend Doug* has convinced me that declarations only set you up for failure, instead I will say that I really hope that this time, after I've put myself through what I hope won't be ten full days of missing  nachos, I'll be more sensible and moderate and kind to myself about the food choices I make in the future.  

Look!  It's breakfast, lunch, and dinner:

*I accidentally just typed "Dough" for "Doug."  I really miss bread.

P.S.  Here are those red clogs.  I should have taken a picture of them with my new skirt, which I'm totally in love with and have worn for two days straight.