Dear Mr. Rat,
You soiled my cabinet. On Tuesday I slid the door open and reached in to pull out a mug when I saw it -- the remnants of your digestive process perched on a lid.
You may be thinking, "Relax -- it's just your place of work; I would NEVER litter in your home." I don't believe you, rat. Plus, I happen to like my place of work. Yes it has its bad days like anything else, but that doesn't mean it deserves to be your public restroom.
I have thought about staying at my desk all night to catch you in the act, as it were. I'm definitely not above it. Fortunately I believe in second chances. So, I'll leave you with this simple warning: a bad thing happened to the squirrels of 31 Winslow St. Don't f*ck with me.