61 / by vanessa

The color white is merely the absence of any other color while black is the aggregation of all colors; either way, both are defined by their relation to something outside of itself. Recently I started to wonder how and when it happened that so many women lost their identities and this metaphor of white and black stuck with me as an analogy of the kind of person who lets others define her direction. Personal choice is abdicated in favor of someone -- anyone -- providing direction and answers. Where to move, what job to do, and even more fundamental -- personal happiness -- become questions for someone else to validate. Psychics, friends, co-workers, anyone who will listen -- are there to provide answers because if someone else tells us what to do then personal responsibility is avoided. Most of us get by on this out of habit and because everyone does it, and because it's superficially functional. But it's not real, it's hell, and it's a cycle that will only cause problems. The key, I think, is choosing to make decisions without all the added variables that we think we have to consider. Instead just listening to the small internal voice that always knows the way.

I had the sweetest practice on my mat tonight. One of those experiences where every posture feels like home and inspiration just pours from every pore. I want to teach a 40 Days workshop here in LA. Every time I've taught it or practiced it, it becomes more profound. Given that I love the program it seems natural for me to pick it up here.