/ by vanessa

Well, I officially have wheels again! I made it 5 months kickin' it with my kicks until I caved. I would say it was a noble effort, but I didn't set out to prove anything. It was an experiment that's now over. Driving home, sitting in Boston traffic on a Friday night, which was fun like a root canal, I realized that as my friend Bob says, "having a car is a necessary evil". It's going to get me to the gym more and I'll get to Walden Pond more, but gridlock sucks it.


For the past two days it was in the sixties here, which was a-mazing. I thought that meant that we're rounding the corner to spring. Tonight however, the windchill is like 16 degrees, which is so NOT spring. The trick, it seems, for a successful transition from a summer-year-'round-kinda girl to an I'm-freezin'-my-ass-off-kinda girl, is to punctuate winter with frequent trips to warmer climates. It keeps the snow a novelty which is just how I like mine.


Confidential to ATL: When I was leaving Austin last year I was less than open about my intentions to both my employer and the studio owners for whom I taught until the last minute. The thing is, fear is a great alibi. I thought that I couldn't afford to be honest when the truth was, I couldn't afford NOT to be honest. Of course, as w/ so many things, I didn't know that at the time. I wanted to control the outcome, and in doing so I was ignoring an opportunity to act with honor. I cleaned it up, meaning I 'fessed up eventually, but it was a valuable lesson for me. I realized that manipulation is the opposite of faith -- I was saying that I didn't trust the universe to provide for me.

So I'm pleased to hear that you cleaned it up too. I know that it's tempting to want to control in order to protect what we *think* is at stake, and also, it's very human. So I hope you know that you did the right thing in your admission. Now what? Move on. In the event that you're holding on to guilt or shame, drop it -- you've righted your actions. In the event that others want to keep condemning you for it, let them make the choice to hold on to that poison, but you don't have to. In the event that you want to blame them for blaming you, well avoid getting caught up in that too. Just keep checking in to make sure your actions match your intentions and making the choice to act with integrity always -- especially when it's hard -- and you'll be provided for.