Scribbles
February 1, 2012Today is the last day of my small stones exercise. As I typed that, I mistyped “scones” for “stones” and realized it’d been a lot harder if the exercise was to make scones for 31 days. As it stands, I only had to write. I made it 29 out of 31. Not bad, but I wish I would’ve made the whole.
Here is my farewell haiku:
Scribbles on a page
Turning into poetry
Meaningful small stones
About vanessa
Some say narcissist; I say solipsist. View all posts by vanessa → Comments (0).
To be or not…
January 31, 2012See this card? This card is the type of thing you get in place of a ticket for going to Sleep No More, an interactive-ish play, loosely based on Macbeth, if Macbeth were steampunk meets Eyes Wide Shut with way less nudity in a garish hotel. (And thank god, because the one chest shot I saw was just awkward.)
About vanessa
Some say narcissist; I say solipsist. View all posts by vanessa → Comments (0).
Bodies exhibit
January 30, 2012On my way home from yoga tonight, two significant things happened. I can’t tell you exactly what makes them significant, whatever.
First, I used a homeless man as a breadcrumb. I am not proud of this. But it was a new studio and on the way there I wasn’t sure if I was heading the right direction and I noticed him looking dead lying over a grate around 5th and University Place and I remember thinking Ugh, he looks dead.
I am not really callous. I fake like I am (shhh) when I am in New York City, and only as an act of basic survival: I heard that weak people are sentenced to Midtown in perpetuity.
Unfortunately/fortunately, dead looking homeless men turn out to be useful landmarks on account of no one wanting to touch them. 
On my way home from class he hadn’t moved, and that is how I knew I was headed back in the same direction I came. Oh joy!
Second, a couple of blocks later I spotted THIS little gem in the trash. If I were not afraid of rat diseases and looking weird and also if I weren’t trying to be more of a minimalist, I would have taken it home with me. I know, totally frivolous, but I pictured having a cocktail party and sitting him at the dinner table just to the left of the chips and queso.
About vanessa
Some say narcissist; I say solipsist. View all posts by vanessa → Comments (2).
Nest egg
January 29, 2012This is my savings plan right now. Not really (’cause I don’t do pennies), but that’s how it feels. The extravagance of Brazil and Christmas and shopping-to-cure-depression finally caught up with me so now I’m being the responsible person I’m supposed to be. And that’s pretty boring.
About vanessa
Some say narcissist; I say solipsist. View all posts by vanessa → Comments (0).
Everything you need to know
January 28, 2012Maybe the best written music review ever written, “Stephen’s music is a blend of blankety-blank, blank, blank.”
About vanessa
Some say narcissist; I say solipsist. View all posts by vanessa → Comments (0).
Glory days
January 27, 2012This is my view from my hotel in Nashville, where I am working. I also work in NY. And in Hoboken, which is almost like NY.
The goalposts are Vanderbilt University’s, where, as a friend says, “So much glory never happened.” That is unfortunate. They seem like nice enough goalposts.
About vanessa
Some say narcissist; I say solipsist. View all posts by vanessa → Comments (0).
This bugs me
January 25, 2012Because I am a social media girl through and through, and also because I hate to be an asshole commenter, I am taking to my blog to wuss out on an issue I have a very strong opinion on. See this image?
I screen-capped this from Facebook, where it’s been making its rounds with significant support. Notice that the poster said, “Strange how I was blocked from sharing this…”
To which I would like to say: PEOPLE, WHY DO YOU THINK FACEBOOK IS “FREE?” Are we so arrogant as a society that we believe Facebook should be a public service? You opt in to use it. There is no money exchanged for it. How do you think companies who charge no money from their user base make money? By selling ad space alone?
With Facebook or Google or any other company to whom you pay ZERO currency to use their services a) you can go ahead and assume they’re selling your data and b) you have the right to stop using their services. Just don’t get mad at them for developing a sustainable business model in which you knowingly partake.
/rant.
About vanessa
Some say narcissist; I say solipsist. View all posts by vanessa → Comments (2).
Enter title here
January 24, 2012Some days this placeholder for an anticipated blog sums up the story of my life. Enter title here. I’m waiting for the perfect little quippy phrase which will make all of the workdays turn worknights + bi-coastal-where-am-I + half-businessperson / half-artist / full identity crisis + Recovering Yogi-ist + last minute, trans-Atlantic weekend trips + mental orphan + but-wait-I-want-to-do-it-all make sense.
About vanessa
Some say narcissist; I say solipsist. View all posts by vanessa → Comments (1).
London called
January 23, 2012I am back from the quickest weekend trip ever. My co-worker and I went to London to meet up with Dre, my ex-roommate. From NYC, everything is just closer. Except Hawaii.
Anyway, we had a good time. I met a swan hanging out near the Princess Diana Memorial (which is stunning, btw). Here is the swan. We got each other.
About vanessa
Some say narcissist; I say solipsist. View all posts by vanessa → Comments (0).
Ohmygodilovetheseshoessomuch
January 22, 2012These shoes, in their gilded perfectness, made the disappointment of Iceland all better.
About vanessa
Some say narcissist; I say solipsist. View all posts by vanessa → Comments (0).
This is not Iceland
January 20, 2012These socks and this candy are from Virgin Atlantic. I think they are both cute, but the socks smell like petroleum, which is funny considering “the most sustainable airline on Earth.” When the flight attendant added on Earth, I stopped my life momentarily. Would any other planet be an option?
Maybe someday I will eat the candy.
The third heart from the left reads BLUE EYES. These are Love Hearts. I am guessing there is not a HAZEL EYES. I know for certain that people with hazel eyes love too.
Perhaps the third heart from the left is a secret love letter. A tiny, hidden message inscribed with his nickname for her, in an inconspicuous place where tens of thousands — millions maybe — would see.
She knows that when he goes to work every day he writes things. He is a copywriter, and sometimes he writes ad copy describing YOUR PERFECT LIFE perched high above the bustle, offering the perfect balance of all the city you want with all of the quiet you need.
But on that particular May evening, over their nightly glass of Pinot Noir, he told her he had written sayings, words really, for candy hearts. He showed her the mockup with the words “Blue Eyes” typed across a pink background.
And she smiled as she imagined a woman she had never met, sitting on a Virgin Atlantic flight to London — a last minute substitute for Iceland — opening a candy wrapper, and pulling out the hearts one by one, and pausing upon reaching one inscribed BLUE EYES.
I know that if I was making something that I knew a notable portion of the world would see, I would hide a love letter too.
About vanessa
Some say narcissist; I say solipsist. View all posts by vanessa → Comments (1).
To the land of ice
January 20, 2012I am on a plane to Iceland. It is supposed to be a 4.5 hour flight but we are grounded for an indeterminable amount of time. Recently, like five minutes ago, this blonde waif wearing illegal amounts of perfume, switched from her middle seat to the open one next to me. Just ’cause. I reason that God must hate me. I know I hate her. (The blonde, I mean.)
My friends and I booked the trip a couple of months ago and then basically forgot about it. Actually, I forgot about it. They did not, as evidenced by the countless email reminders they sent asking for a copy of our hotel arrangements. I don’t blame them for asking. I get busy; sometimes I forget things. They know this.
When I finally went to search for the reservation today, the day of our departure, I couldn’t find the confirmation. I panicked. I booked us an alternate plan at the Hilton while I frantically tried to remember where I could have booked. I sent off a hurried correspondence and crossed my fingers.
Then, in a time before God hated me, the hotel miraculously emailed me back just as I arrived at the airport. It was what one might call a miracle. And by “one” I mean the same people who call things like having babies miracles.
So now I’m on this plane next to the girl with too much perfume, watching The Beginners on my iPad, and praying that Xanax wields its lovely power soon, and I find myself awake in a foreign country of volcanoes and grey wool sweaters that I never dreamed I’d visit.
About vanessa
Some say narcissist; I say solipsist. View all posts by vanessa → Comments (0).
Meat
January 19, 2012At a work dinner in TriBeCa tonight, sheltered from outside temperatures well beyond civilized, I ate a steak. It was the kind of steak, with its trailing pool of blood orphaned on my plate, that made me want to be a vegetarian again.
About vanessa
Some say narcissist; I say solipsist. View all posts by vanessa → Comments (1).
Freedom
January 18, 2012This is a picture of The Freedom Tower, captured at 11:30 pm on a Tuesday night, which is precisely the time that I left the office before heading home to work a little bit more.
About vanessa
Some say narcissist; I say solipsist. View all posts by vanessa → Comments (0).
When sad things happen
January 17, 2012Today I learned that one of my dear friends has stage 4 ovarian cancer. Not only is she way too young (not that there’s an appropriate age for cancer), but she is easily one of the healthiest people I know: she practices yoga daily, her diet is filled with things like quinoa and acai and spirulina, she has a long-standing meditation practice.
When I talked to her tonight, she used the words, “I manifested this…” and I felt conflicted. Having spent years in the yoga world, I understood her. But my own belief patterns have changed so that “manifest” just doesn’t seem the right word to me anymore. And yet, it is for her.
The old arguments that flourished when The Secret first came on the scene came back: Why would people willingly manifest pain and suffering? Is that saying that say, rape victims manifested rape? That just seems callous and off. Contrary to how I felt 5 or so years ago, I can’t play with semantics to make it fit.
In my friend’s world, in the midst of the sadness that she feels, she blew me away with her gratitude. Gratitude. She feels blessed at the outpouring of support she’s had, the way that this disease has brought her family members back together, by the generosity of everyone from other yoga teachers to a doctor she has only just met.
She uses manifest neither punitively nor naively. That much I know. And yet I wish I understood.
About vanessa
Some say narcissist; I say solipsist. View all posts by vanessa → Comments (0).
Snowy
January 16, 2012Some parts of the world look like this today. It’s times like this when I realize how fortunate I am to live in Los Angeles.
About vanessa
Some say narcissist; I say solipsist. View all posts by vanessa → Comments (0).
1940 Highland
January 14, 2012Tomorrow is the end of an era. An era I like to call The Dre Era, after my roommate for the last five and a half years, Dre. We are going our separate ways. Venice calls.
We’ve had the best of times and we’ve had less, and in the end I can say we’ll always be close.
The boxes and disarray prepare me for a life unsettled, at least for a little while,
About vanessa
Some say narcissist; I say solipsist. View all posts by vanessa → Comments (0).
Code of Ethics That My Work Totally Made Up
January 13, 2012I don’t often complain about work — at least not publicly. But this is serious, folks.
I have to take a Code of Ethics class. It’s an online course. I am not opposed to taking it, save for two factors: First, it is designed for a totally different type of worker so that some of the “right” answers are completely antithetical to the way my job is structured. I’m a One in the Enneagram world which means that I actually care about things like right ways and wrong ways and making points on principle. In this case, it’s not that I’m worried about being wrong, it’s that I have no one to appeal to that the class is not really a test of one’s ethics because ethics, by definition, aren’t relative.
Second, I suppose more important than things like understanding what a word actually means, for example, is the fact that I actually can’t take the test unless I borrow someone else’s laptop. (Ironically, I think this qualifies as unethical under the grounds of the test.) I have a Mac, which okay, I begged for, and the test only works on IE in a native Windows environment. VM Ware doesn’t cut it. The rub is that I don’t want to complain because I really love my Mac.
So it’s for those reasons that I’ve made the following appeal on Facebook:
About vanessa
Some say narcissist; I say solipsist. View all posts by vanessa → Comments (0).
Sh*t mute people say
January 12, 2012This is the extent of my small stone for today.
About vanessa
Some say narcissist; I say solipsist. View all posts by vanessa → Comments (0).
Small stone haiku
January 11, 2012Got rocks in my brain
When maybe for the first time
All I want is stones
