I have a new creative writing coach. He's this associate professor from USC and he's helping me work on a one-person show. I should call it my one-person show, but that's just more commitment than I can handle. Anyway, last time I saw him, which was over two weeks ago, he gave me an assignment to write a new story based on the keyword of "red" or "read." I can't tell which since he didn't write it down. I had big ideas. At first, I loved the freedom available to me from having a homonym for a keyword. I could write about my first pair of Keds and trying to fit in! Or wait -- about the time I had to take a speed-reading class to graduate high school! Oh, the opportunity. But as the weeks passed and I never actually sat down to capture those brilliant seedlings, I find myself in the 11th hour now, freaking out about the impending deadline. So naturally I've found other critical things that I *had* to do before I could start the assignment. Namely:
1. Googled "capitalization style rules." (Lowercase all articles, coordinate conjunctions and prepositions. But don't confuse prepositions with particles, which should capitalized.) (You're welcome.) (Also, in a nod to synchronicity, the website I clicked on was writersblock.com.) 2. Revised a friend's resume. 3. Listened to a David Cross bit on crapping himself. Clearly I didn't know the topic before I embarked, since bathroom-related anything incites a morbid anxiety attack softened only by something like Xanax. Which I don't have. So I: 4. Took an Advil PM. It's going to be really hard to write when I'm falling asleep. Oops. 5. Checked my upgrade points on American which I'll never be able to use because the trips I usually take are a) international, which do not qualify; b) on a partner airline which also do not qualify; or c) to popular destinations like NYC or Austin where you have a better chance of seeing a real unicorn than the complimentary warmed mixed nuts of first class. Turns out I have 24 upgrades. 6. Checked gmail a billion times. Nope. No new email. 7. Ate 12 fiber gummy bears and a half of a bag of organic cheddar popcorn for something to do. 8. Talked on the phone. 9. Tried to think of an excuse for why I don't have a new story. 10. Started writing this blog.
And now, given that I have no plausible excuse, and the fact that I'm waning, quickly, I figure now is as good a time as any to start writing. I mean, I want to feel like I gave it my all, right?
It is the virtues, not the faults...which constitute one's true legacy. -- Gandhi