YJ Conference and stuff / by vanessa

First of all -- hello Wisconsin. You guys are totally rad.

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Second, I just returned from YJ conference in SF. I really like seeing 100s of yogis descend upon an urban hotel. Especially the Kundalini ones since they don't exactly blend in.

Saturday morning I assisted two classes. YJ filmed the first one for an upcoming DVD. Because of the filming we had to be very sensitive to not speaking when we were assisting. Here's the deal - when we're assisting normally, like at bootcamps, workshops, or in the studios, etc. this is a rule too. Except that when we're not being taped, we can be somewhat flexible so that, for example, if you keep giving hand indications for bringing the toes together, you can eventually just whisper slightly: bring your toes together, assuming other non-verbal attempts fail. Left without this backup plan was like walking the tightrope w/out a net. Okay not as dramatic, but still... So I ended up most of the time just moving on when my indicators didn't produce the intended results. At first I felt guilty - like I wasn't doing my job - but then it's like I did all I could do in that moment and at some point you just have to drop your mistakes and stop second guessing.

Which is good segue for an important understanding I got this weekend. One of the coolest things I've learned from BB along the way is his insistance that you don't have to be a perfect yogi to be a great teacher. This is one of those maxims that I've thought about before, even blogged about, and totally assumed I "got". Until it hit me the other day in such a new way, making it clear that I had underestimated its magnitude to begin w/. I suspect there is still more. So here goes... I've been caught thinking that in order to be enlightened (whatever that means) or even to have some meaningful impact I have to know more, look better, or some other similar, external pursuit. At its core of course, is shame or unworthiness and it implies that greatness is always in the future. In fact, greatness is knowing that I already have everything I need. Doh!

Well, so I'd been thinking about that adage and the image of Jesus on the stake came to me. I remembered him crying out "God, why have you forsaken me?" I'm sure there are Biblical or Course scholars who have a different interpretation than me and I'd love to hear about it, but here's what I got out that scene. Does anyone doubt that Jesus was a bad ass? Even if you don't see him as the Son of God or the Messiah or whatever your belief is, it's pretty much undisputed that he motherscratchin rocked it. Like Buddha too, right? So my point is this -- Jesus cracked. But did that make him any less of Jesus Christ Superstar? No. He lost his temper at rabbis, misjudged the character of his friends (boo Judas, boo), etc and yet none of this got in the way of his greatness. I suppose you could argue the whole Judas thing did, since well, he died, but my point is that his perfection was not in avoiding mistakes. I have never seen any scriptures where Jesus was like "I cannot believe I screwed up." Naw, his perfection lied in his ability to just be, come what may. Super cool.

So I was thinking about that all weekend and on the plane I made a list of about five things I would do in my life if I believed I already was enough, as I am, right now. Sometimes you gotta just act as if until it's so, and I'm excited - really excited to see how this shift plays out.

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Joslyn, Leslie and I had a slumber party where we settled it once and for all: we're funny. That behind us, we took Seane Corn's class this morning which was her Detox Flow class. In addition to putting us through more twists than a Dostoevsky novel, she talked about how detoxing encompasses the foods we eat, what we surround ourselves with (our environment) and the thoughts we think about. She talked so much about food that it was making Leslie and Joslyn hungry. They started drooling on their mats when Seane said to choose differently next time you pull into In-and-Out Burger. Her point (obviously) was that this yogic path requires a high frequency and we want to invite into our lives those foods, products, thoughts, and people that keep our vibrations high. (For all you normal people out there who associate frequency with like, a radio, this really just means that you want to eat, do, and think about things which help you feel your best or that state where it feels like life is flowing.)

We left Seane's class and got really good cupcakes. That's bad. But, we ate them during kirtan. That's good. Later I went to the airport and I saw Seane on my flight as I was popping handfuls of Junior Mints. That's bad. But then I remembered that I don't have to be a perfect yogi to be a great teacher and I felt a total softness for myself. That's really good.