So I was feeling a little guilty about my night of relative debauchery on Saturday. Particularly when my friend told me that this sober girl at the party watched me share a Ritalin with another friend. Great. Not only am I an alcoholic, but I'm also a pusher. It's a slippery slope to rapist.
I started freaking out -- oh no! WWJFD? (john-friend) Shouldn't I be drinking chai and chanting the Anusara invocation? What kind of yoga teacher am I, anyway?! And then it hit me: Umm, a fun one??! , I DO drink my chai (Hugo's has the BEST cinnamon chai latte) and I love the invocation. Those are parts of me too. I used to think that in order to be a yoga teacher it meant being a vegetarian, and not drinking, and always seeing the good in everyone. The rub is the word "always" -- see I am all those things, and I'm not perfect. And come to think of it, I don't really want to be.
In Anusara training we are taught about Kashmir Shaivism, a belief system, which, in short, says that things are not separate, and it's all good. Before you go freaking out and sending me emails about moral relativism, let me explain -- it's not a hall pass to murder kittens, rather, it's a way of saying, in layman's terms, the tequila shots and the humanitarianism - both are divine. Or rather, can be. So while I say I'm not perfect, actually, I kinda am. And so are you! See how much fun this is?
At the end of the day, I'd really prefer to feel happy about clowning around. It seems like that's way more healthy and productive than trying to live up to someone else's idea of what it means to be "good."
P.S. I just realized I've used both 'rapist' and 'murder' in one blog which feels a little dark, even for me. Plus I'm not making sense. Nighty.