I met my friend Ruth about five years ago -- just after I had completed Level 2 Teacher Training. I had been teaching yoga for just over a year at that point. I loved it. I taught whenever I could, which meant a few times a week at Bodhi. I wanted to do it full time.
Ruth is an intuitive counselor. She's amazing -- you go to see her, talk a little bit, then she does some sort of energetic goodness and then you leave feeling just, well, cool. Like, all settled and you just know that things are gonna be alright. (Actually, in writing this, I don't know how to explain what Ruth does in a way that is a) accurate and b) doesn't cause people to totally roll their eyes. So let me say this: she's insightful and wise; a conduit for healing.)
Anyway, when I met her, one of the things I wanted to work on was how I could leave my day job. I was a project manager at an ISP-ish kind of company. I kinda liked what I did, I liked the people I worked with more, but once I started teaching, all I could think about was how I could do it all of the time. Yoga is unmistakenly this medium for growth, for shifting things, etc. You cannot separate the inherent spirituality from the practice. (It also happens to be a great workout.) Through yoga I had worked through a bunch of the stuff that comes from having a childhood. Everyone's got it; everyone's got different ways of dealing with it. Mine was yoga. I had been to a handful of therapists in my early adulthood. Nothing worked as quickly or profoundly as the practice of yoga had for helping me to just get over myself. The enthusiasm I had for teaching was fueled by this desire to share with others the same benefits I had experienced. So, when I looked at my own job: in a cubicle in an office complex in North Austin, helping major corporations get VPN access, well the disparity seemed obvious. Seemed.
I made my case to Ruth. She knew what I did for a living. She knew that I taught. I remember asking her one day, whining almost, "When can I just leave my job and teach yoga all the time?" She answered simply. It has stuck with me for five years. "When you realize that there is no difference between the work you do as a teacher and the work you do in your job."
I get it now. Just as I quit teaching yoga.