now i feel like carolina, i split myself in two / by vanessa

Today, March somethingth, it's 93 degrees here in LA. And tomorrow I'll be in NYC freezing, or at least that's how the 40s will feel. Because I'm trying to only pack a carry on for my trip east, and then to Texas, naturally, I went shopping today. Actually, I know *something* is up when I go shopping since I don't even like to do it anymore. But in my conscious mind it all made sense: my goal was to buy dresses that I could wear for work in NY, and to SXSW in Austin. Perhaps if my work was in East Village I could've swung it. Instead I just bought a bunch of stuff for Austin since I can also wear them in LA. Mission unaccomplished and I still feel empty. Fascinating stuff, folks.


Dre's friend, Pamela, is visiting from Cheesesteak (sooo clever) and last night we went to Ciudad's for dinner then to the Standard (lame) then to the Library (Guns n Roses??? Ouch.). We picked up P's friend E, and then E's husband T met us out. I don't even know how this came up but he said that he read in some book that "Desire is the cause of suffering." This tenet is, of course, the Second Noble Truth and I was pleased to be reminded of it. (Though apparently, it didn't make enough of an impression to keep me from shopping at the Grove a mere 12 hours later. Sigh.) It segued into a discussion (read: cynicism) about Gandhi's vow of abstinence. You know my devotion to Gandhi and where there is a challenge to his ideas, I always feel inclined to explain those that I understand, despite the fact that of course, his experiments need no defense. This time my efforts turned out to be a great exercise. I too have questioned his principles on abstinence, mostly because a) I couldn't see his point and b) NEVER again? Really??? And yet last night I found myself making a case for the value -- and really, importance -- of self-restraint. In that exchange I instantly understood its meaning and it was like I saw a portal into this world of possibilities that I hadn't realized existed. And if we teach what we want to learn, I wonder, is this the direction my life will take me?