This OFFICIAL notice from the FBI was wedged in our door today. Mind you, we live in a "secure" building, but I suppose the FBI have ways around things like gates and locks and all the other (apparently) meaningless trappings of protection.
Here's what it says:
The FBI is conducting a background investigation on an individual seeking Federal Employment or access to national security information.
"Federal Employment" apparently warrants capitalization. "National security"?? Suckaaaa.
It is important that I speak with you as soon as possible so that the investigation may be expeditiously completed. Please telephone me (Collect if necessary)
ooh! capitalization! AND willing to spring for the bill?! this could be love.
...at the number listed on this card.
Card?! All I got was a photo-copied scrap of paper. I'm going to try not to take this personally.
Thank you for your prompt cooperation.
If you wanted "prompt", FBI, you should have thought about that when you decided I wasn't worth a card.
And then... on the right side of the dotted line:
*Insert official FBI photocopied, barely legible crest*
The Special Investigator whose name appears below will present credentials upon request as proof of identity.
Special Investigator: Bob Buehler
I *think* that's what the last name is. Bob -- you need to work on your penmanship.
Telephone: 310 395 9670