This morning on my way into the office I was walking down the street doing my normal text-and-walk sort of thing when I stumbled into a crime scene. Now I know I've written about crime scenes before, but this time there was a sizable portion of the sidewalk cordoned off by police tape. When I looked up, the adjacent ground floor apartment's window screen had been popped out.
My co-workers were abuzz discussing the possibilities. I donned my best Catherine Willows wig and carefully explained my expert assessment. Rape. Obviously.
Listen: Ground floor apartment, screen dislodged, sidewalk taped off since 9 p.m. last night, in some parts of the country "'no' means 'just climb in through the window,'" etc.
It was a viable argument. I considered nunchucks for my nightly walk home.
But as it turns out, the real story was much more interesting. This, courtesy of NJ.com:
A body was found on Bloomfield Street in Hoboken last night, police confirmed.
A source with knowledge of the incident said that it took several hours to find the body because the man was a hoarder and several of his things had to be removed and placed in a dumpster to facilitate the search. The source added that people only realized the man was dead after neighbors smelled the stench of decomposition emanating from his apartment.
And that, folks, is why I am notorious for throwing things away. And also why I need to buy some children, like, tomorrow.