This morning started off w/ a yoga class and then a meditation class. I feel better today -- the headache is gone -- but I am totally craving steamed vegetables and/or my favorite salad at M Chaya. Also thank god they had tongue scrapers here b/c part of the detoxing thing is that you get this nasty film on your tongue and the only way (I know of) to get it off is to scrape. ("They" say that if you brush your tongue you just move bacteria around, which is just gross.)
I'm definitely not making friends. But why? I'm so friendly! And likable! Here's probably why: In meditation class, afterward the instructor goes around the room and has each person share their experience. When my turn came I said that I got agitated when someone walked in late and then w/ the ensuing noises but that I saw that as an opportunity for myself to go deeper. I know that SOUNDS passive-aggressive, and I considered not saying it, but it's a) true, and b) it says more about me than the woman who walked in late. The reality is, things will ALWAYS come up in meditation -- there will always be distractions -- while sitting, in life, whatever... and if I can't have even a little bit of introspection to examine what's really going on, then I'm pretty much at the mercy of my environment. (Which I may be anyway, but that's a topic for another blog.) Anyway, the woman came up to me after class and apologized. I told her - because I meant it - that it wasn't about her. And then we talked about how she loves not eating.
Which brings me to something that I've been struggling with here. There's a delicate line between cleansing for cleansing's sake, and developing an eating disorder. I'm not sure I've negotiated the difference in myself, but I know it when I see it. The problem is, it's true -- when you lay off solid foods for even a day you feel really good. (On a cleanse you also put back in minerals and vitamins and stuff through supplements.) However, since you also lose weight, that feeling can be addictive, which is bad since it's not sustainable to fast your way through life. At some point, you NEED food. Also, eating is fun.
Okay, I'm off to walk the labyrinth. (A word, btw, which kinda grosses me out since it reminds me of female genitalia. (Sorry.))