99 / by vanessa

I'm in this new job and I feel like I'm not carrying my weight. I'm really struggling with a)not catching on as quickly as I'd expected myself to, and b) feeling not good enough.
On my mat tonight I felt the doubt creeping in, whispering that I shouldn't have made the change, I should have stayed in my old job - which I liked anyway -- and why do I do this to myself?
But my old job was, despite its daily challenges, my confort zone. I knew what to expect, and honestly chose this job because I thought it would challenge me. Yet, the emotion of not feeling smart enough is expressed in the center of my chest as a dull and uncomfortable gnawing.
I know this is temporary. And I know that I don't have to like it and it is still good for me. If I've learned anything from the last year it's that there's no going back only evolving. I forget that when I set intentions (commonly known as goals) that they are only achieved by a state of change. When I set an intention it's for something that's in a different place than where I'm at and in order to bring it to me or me to it, whichever, something has to shift to get me from where I am to where I want to be. (I'll spare the quantum physics qualification as that's a different blog.)
Since we always get what we want, this means change is inevitable and it would seem the more I ask for, the more change, and by extension, the more difficulty. To be continued as I'm really sleepy...