/ by vanessa

I am so f**king sick of crying in teacher training after every time it's my turn. Wtf? I'm that girl that cries like once a year. Seriously. It's not something I think about or try NOT to do, it just never happens. And then I get up to teach in an environment that's like totally supportive and my whole life feels like it's coming apart at the seams. And it's so not.

I mean, the most I have to worry about is feeling overwhelmed. I don't have cancer or even say, headlice. I DO have a nasty bruise on my calf but you see, I have my health. More than that, I have a good job and teaching and lots of other things to feel happy about. And it's all of those combined that I'm feeling the pressure from because I don't really want to do a ton of stuff, I just want to do what I do *well*.

And so then I get in class and I'm reminded that I'm behind in everything and it's actually not enough to just physically be there, and I really want to be a good teacher so badly because I know the impact my teachers have had on my life, and then all I can do is say "expand" and "brighten" and "embody lightness" about a hundred million times and jesus it feels trite.

So I'm taking some time off from my Weds a.m. class, my teacher training is coming to an end, my writing workshop is coming to an end, and I'm going to do my very best to not fill any of those slots with anything other than nothing. It'll be nice to be able to focus on less.

***

In other news, my new home is really like homey and awesome. For all you out of towners, please come stay!