51 / by vanessa

When my friend Johnking came to visit he took some funny pictures. He's good w/ the camera even at arm's length. I wish he would just move here already!

Renee and I have this friend whose boyfriend just called for a "break". News flash: break = break-up. It's true and no I'm not jaded. Here's what "break" means to a guy. Really, it's one of three possibilities.
1) He thinks telling you it's a break -- not a break-up -- will be easier on you, and as a result easier on him because then he won't have to go through your stalking, 4 hour phone calls trying to work it out, or any other tactics which are tantamount to umm, nothing fruitful. Ever.
2) He still likes you but doesn't want to be together. But, he also doesn't want to let you go on the chance that he thinks he made a mistake. This is weak. Take stock in this: if he *really* wanted to be together, you'd be together. Remember at the beginning of your relationship where he'd rearrange his entire life to be with you? Well nothing's changed. He still could rearrange his whole life if he wanted to. NOTE: The fact that you wouldn't want a guy (or anyone else) to actually rearrange their life for you is immaterial because a) that's another blog for me, and b) I'm trying to make a point. However, he's choosing not to because he doesn't want to be together. Again, if he did, it'd be clear to him AND you. Trust me, when someone truly wants to be with you, you don't have to piece together signals like you're reading morse code.
3) On the chance that you do get back together, it's not because he knew it all along. Else it wouldn't be a break.

The best thing you can do for yourself is make a decision for you. When other people drag their feet, you have to keep your life moving forward and not get sucked in to the holding pattern. It's totally hack but I'll say it anyway: if it's meant to be it'll be. I can't remember if I wrote this before but my wise friend Ruth once told me that if someone is meant to be in your soul family, there's nothing you can say or do that will make them go. If they're not, there's nothing you can say that will keep them.

That's it. My PSA for the week.