Hi, my name is Vanessa and I'm a recovering yogi.

Holy Krishna.  I haven't been this excited about a new project in a while.  Since at least June. My friend Joslyn had the brilliant idea last Spring to create a web community for people to talk about how ummm... funny the New Age industry can be, and specifically yoga.  To a yoga teacher, this can feel heretical.  It's not.  I wholly believe that a privilege of being human is to laugh at oneself and maybe others while you're at it.  So she called the site Recovering Yogi, and I'm honored to say she's using my drawings throughout the site.  And my writing.  And my creative perspective.  And still, I'm most stoked about the artwork.  We've collaborated on a lot of it, so in many ways it feels like a natural expression of our friendship.  How lucky is that -- to get to do your favorite things with your best friends?  To boot, our friend Leslie has joined the mix so now we're a bonafide trifecta.  As if Mcsweeny's wasn't enough.

Several years ago I went to this awesome psychic who told me that I'd be a famous writer (they NEVER say those things to ANYONE), but that it wouldn't be on my own.  He said that instead, I'd be part of an established group of women.   It's been a while since that session, and in the interim I've met about ten wicked inspirational girls.   I always assume I'll work with each of them.  Incidentally, this psychic story is exactly the kind of thing I'll be making fun of on www.recoveringyogi.com.

Oh, and I almost forgot!   I was going to save this for my new site, but in the meantime, guess what?!

Okay, I'll tell you.  I'm easy like that.  (And only that.)  We've got t-shirts coming.  They'll be sold on my site, and featured through Recovering Yogi.  Sooo cute.  Organic and all that other sustainable stuff.   Peep 'em:

It is the virtues, not the faults...which constitute one's true legacy. -- Gandhi

Yay! Wednesday Procastination Day!

Here's what you can expect me to be doing in the next two hours, instead of writing for my writing class tomorrow morning: 1. Inhaling vitamin gummy bears 2. Catching up on my friends blogs (ahem, write kk, write!) 3. Thinking of words / phrases I don't like 4. Research travel options 5. Work 6. Clean out my closet.  Again. 7. Write down the ways in which I hate my life 8. Pick out my clothes for tomorrow, a task which I haven't done since I was probably 8 9. Go to bed early, for maximum stress 10. Pretend like I don't have something due in 10 hours

That is all.

It is the virtues, not the faults...which constitute one's true legacy. -- Gandhi

Mostly More Words I Loathe

It's time for another - okay, second - edition of Words I Loathe.  (The Love part is playing a supporting role tonight b/c I'm borderline surly.) Artificial suffixes, e.g. any word where  -licious or -tastic are appended.  I know, I know.  I've heard the arguments for portmanteaus.  I've already stated my position.  Also, it's no longer creative when cougars are using it.

Diva:  I particularly despise it when used to describe feminine products.  

Fabulous:  If I was a noun, which technically I am, but if I was like, a meta noun, and someone used "fabulous" to modify me, I would throw up on them as a thank you.

...and for good measure, a couple of *Words I Love:

Cheeky:  It just sounds so British.   Note:  If you affect an English accent, however, I will mock you. False!:  As in exclaiming that something is not true.  I like this especially if you were to shout it to your grandmother or something and then push the table over, after her tender suggestion that you eat your peas since you love peas.

*In case you didn't get that link the first time. Click it.

It is the virtues, not the faults...which constitute one's true legacy. -- Gandhi

Fun with Poles! I Mean *Polls*!

Some friends and I hit upon a brilliant social question today.  (Okay, maybe it was more like me coercing them to consider it.  Whatever.)  In a question of social capital, how would you rank the following professions?  (NOTE:  This is not a question of "Which one should I take home to mom," which would garner entirely different results.)   Here are the choices: crack whore, Hustler model, call girl, prostitute, Playboy model, stripper, mainstream porn actress, and hardcore porn actress.  

This was no easy ranking.   The group ended up with the following: 1. Playboy model.  (Unanimous.) 2. Mainstream porn actress 3. Call girl 4. Hustler model 5. Stripper 6. Hardcore porn actress (the distinction between this one and its, ahem, sister, is a little murky.) 7. Prostitute 8. Crack whore  (don't hate on the barter system)

And because I wanted a more scientific approach, I asked my friend TM what he thought.  I forced Joslyn to take it too.  Their feedback was astounding.  From what I can surmise, basically the whole world ranks Playboy model first; hardcore porn actress as sixth; prostitute, seventh, and the crack whore last.  Poor thing.  

This is not a question of libido or even sexual interests.  It's a question of how we see these professions in our society.  So get your mind out of the gutter and tell me, what do you think?

It is the virtues, not the faults...which constitute one's true legacy. -- Gandhi

List of Things I've Done in the Last Hour Instead Of Writing a New Story

I have a new creative writing coach.  He's this associate professor from USC and he's helping me work on a one-person show.  I should call it my one-person show, but that's just more commitment than I can handle.  Anyway, last time I saw him, which was over two weeks ago, he gave me an assignment to write a new story based on the keyword of "red" or "read."  I can't tell which since he didn't write it down.   I had big ideas.  At first, I loved the freedom available to me from having a homonym for a keyword.  I could write about my first pair of Keds and trying to fit in! Or wait -- about the time I had to take a speed-reading class to graduate high school!  Oh, the opportunity.  But as the weeks passed and I never actually sat down to capture those brilliant seedlings, I find myself in the 11th hour now, freaking out about the impending deadline. So naturally I've found other critical things that I *had* to do before I could start the assignment.   Namely:

1. Googled "capitalization style rules." (Lowercase all articles, coordinate conjunctions and prepositions.  But don't confuse prepositions with particles, which should capitalized.)  (You're welcome.)   (Also, in a nod to synchronicity, the website I clicked on was writersblock.com.) 2. Revised a friend's resume.   3. Listened to a David Cross bit on crapping himself.  Clearly I didn't know the topic before I embarked, since bathroom-related anything incites a morbid anxiety attack softened only by something like Xanax.  Which I don't have.  So I:  4. Took an Advil PM.  It's going to be really hard to write when I'm falling asleep.  Oops. 5. Checked my upgrade points on American which I'll never be able to use because the trips I usually take are a) international, which do not qualify; b) on a partner airline which also do not qualify; or c) to popular destinations like NYC or Austin where you have a better chance of seeing a real unicorn than the complimentary warmed mixed nuts of first class.  Turns out I have 24 upgrades. 6. Checked gmail a billion times.  Nope.  No new email. 7. Ate 12 fiber gummy bears and a half of a bag of organic cheddar popcorn for something to do. 8. Talked on the phone.   9. Tried to think of an excuse for why I don't have a new story.    10. Started writing this blog.

And now, given that I have no plausible excuse, and the fact that I'm waning, quickly, I figure now is as good a time as any to start writing.  I mean, I want to feel like I gave it my all, right?

It is the virtues, not the faults...which constitute one's true legacy. -- Gandhi